Journey of Faith Friday: Ministry

It was the end of summer and I had just returned from my first foreign mission trip.  Sarah and I were excited to accompany a friend we had made, while on our trip, to Handi-camp.  Neither of us knew what to expect, but we had just spent 10 days serving children with special needs in Haiti, so we were thrilled at the potential of continuing our service state side.  

Brewster, who was our team leader in Haiti, had invited us to Handi-camp hoping that we could volunteer in assisting the campers during game time.  Brewster asked if I could help at the inflatable jump yard and nervously I said, "Yes."  I saw a young girl sitting in her wheelchair waiting to be put inside the jump yard.  Someone picked her up, placed her inside, crawled inside with her, and he began bouncing her all around.  The excitement on her face was indescribable.  I joined in and was soon lifting/assisting people in and out of the jump yard, but continued to feel uncomfortable in how I was to treat the men and women who were "different" from me.  

Little did I know that summer day in 2002 would lead to 7 years of volunteering in special needs ministry (aka. Access Ministry) at Southland Christian Church in Lexington, KY.  I began attending "Jesus Parties" which were monthly events held on Friday night.  Jesus parties always consisted of dinner and a short Biblical message, but beyond that it was hard to know what Brewster would have planned.  Maybe a dance party, Harley rides, movie night, St. Patrick's Day fashion show, a clothing drive for the homeless, a wedding, a concert, a hoe-down, roller skating, bowling, Deal or No Deal, or almost anything else you can imagine.  There would be anywhere from 40 to 100+ special needs people of all ages attending those monthly events.

I attended my first "Jesus Prom" in the fall of 2002.  My life and how I view and love individuals with special needs (and their caretakers) was forever changed.  Jesus Prom and Brewster's idea for Access Ministry grew out of this verse found in Luke:

"Then Jesus said to his host, 'When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid.  But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed.  Although they can not repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

-Luke 14:12-14

I can't begin to describe in words what I experienced during my first Jesus Prom, but it changed me.  It changed me for the better.  I began attending Brewster's Sunday school class and before I knew it many of my friends were the individuals who attended and volunteered in all areas of Access Ministries.  I have done everything from taking an individual to the bathroom to teaching Sunday school to speaking at a funeral to feeding someone to being blessed by a big hug around the neck to being pushed into the pool.  However, the individuals I am speaking of have touched my life much more than I have touched theirs.  I think of Rex, Audrey, Jonathan, Jana, Kalen, Jenna, Carol Ann, Vald, Greg, Nicole, Seth, Sarah, Tannon, Andrea, and the list could go on and on.

Jesus Prom has grown and changed over the years.  What began with a handful of people has turned into thousands.  Every other year Jesus Prom is a formal.  Southland has a stock pile of formal dresses (all donated) that are lent to any lady that needs a dress.  All of the men are fitted with tuxes (yes they are free) that were donated by a local tux shop.  As the "promers" arrive they are accompanied by an escort (we have thousands of volunteers) to dinner, to games, to get their hair/make up done (if they choose), to get their shoes shined, to pictures, and eventually on to the dance floor.  Every other year is informal.  This began in 2005 after we (the leadership team) began brain storming ideas to keep Jesus Prom fresh, but to lower its budget.  In 2005 we had a hoe-down, 2007 we had a Luau, and 2009 we or shall I say they (we missed due to being in Florida) had a Big Blue Bash (Kentucky Wildcat theme).

me, Kristin, Monica, Jana, and Greg at Jesus Prom 2007

Tyanne and Jonathan (and Julie in the background)

Tannon at Jesus Prom 2008

Barb, Brewster, and myself

Sam and Audrey

To say the very least God transformed me through my time as a volunteer in Access Ministry.  I find myself missing all of the friends I made during those years.  I learned to love in a new way.  I learned to interact with all types of people.  I learned that no matter how different someone may be they are really just like me.  We all need eye contact.  We all need hugs.  We all need LAUGHter.  We all need education. We all need a smile.  We all need love!

As always I will leave you with a portion of a journal entry I wrote after losing a dear friend of mine.

October 3, 2005

"To write this seems a little scary, but I feel sure of what lies before me.  I began volunteering in Access Ministry in August 2002 after returning from a trip to Haiti with Brewster.  It took me out of my comfort zone, but I quickly found myself longing  to be surrounded by people with all types of disabilities.  Then I attended my first Jesus Prom and our meeting is somewhat foggy, but our friendship is very clear.  I met Rex and my friend Sarah and I danced with him most of the night.  I never dreamed I would be one of the people he held dearest to his heart.

....I received news that Rex had been diagnosed with cancer and a million thoughts ran through my mind.  Thoughts I can not begin to describe, but You, LORD knew them all.  

The last few months have flown by and I can't decide whether I want them to go faster or slower.  We spoke one day about Heaven and how we both longed to be there.  I told him I was a little jealous that he would be there soon and I more than likely wouldn't.  He shared a verse with me that someone hung on his wall: Isaiah 57:1-2 "The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.  Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death."

(a few days passed before I finished this journal entry and Rex ended up going to meet the LORD on October 4, 2005)

I believe that (verse) and now what I thought may take weeks has come to pass.  Rex has left this earth and is now able to speak clearly, walk freely, and worship God with no effort.

There are things I will forever cherish about my short time as Rex's friend.  We always argued, because we're so stubborn.  Too many times I got "the fist" shook at me or he would stick his tongue out.  We used to laugh because he wouldn't let anyone else push him in his wheelchair, at church, but I gave him no option.  Just the command "pick up your feet and go along for the ride."  We argued a lot over those feet and just 2 weeks ago his gift to me was a foot rest for his wheelchair."

I stopped my journal entry at that point and began writing the words I would share at his funeral, which I won't share in this post, but I look back on my time with Rex, my time with every individual I encountered through Access Ministry and I smile on the inside and out.  

Have you had a time or season in life that you have spent influencing people and how has God blessed your service (ex. as a prayer warrior, Bible study leader, volunteer, grief support, mission trip, missionary, evangelism, through encouraging words, etc)?
Would you share it with us today?

If you'd like to share... enter the direct URL to your exact post  in the link tool below 
(just under "you are next").  

If you join us, please help us find one another by sharing the "Journey of Faith Friday" graphic via HTML code within your post.  You can copy and paste the code that is located below "Journey of Faith Friday" at the bottom of this post.   

I look forward to reading how God has used your gifts to influence and bless others.

Thank you for sharing.

Next Friday:  We will begin a three part series.  Consider sharing how someone has influenced your walk with the LORD Jesus.  It may have been the words of a mentor.  It may have been a sermon preached by your pastor or spoken at a weekend retreat.  It may have been words on pages written by an author you've never met.  It may have been the silent embrace of a friend.  It may have been a life lived that you only watched from a far.  It may have been your small group.  Think of one for next Friday and then begin thinking of one for the following Friday. 

Have a blessed day in the Lord Jesus!!

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"My fourth month of life" -Bennett

So mom told me all of you really enjoyed everything I shared with you a month ago.  Therefore, I thought I would take time out of my busy schedule of eating, napping, peeing, pooping, playing, bathing, crying, and laughing to update you on all of the new things going on in my life.  I went to see Dr. Woodwhite last week and she told me, okay she told mom, that I weigh 17 lb. 12 oz. and am 25.5 inches long.  I think they said something like 96th percentile for weight and 78th for height.  I think that means I am a big ol' boy!!!  I do like food and have recently began eating rice cereal.  I have been opening my mouth when I see that new thing coming, I think she calls it a spoon, because she seems to get really excited, so I figure it must be good.  At first, I wasn't so sure about the texture of the rice cereal, but now I like it.  Plus, I love all of the attention I get from mom and dad when I eat well.  Occasionally, I hear them discussing what food I will eat next.  Hmmmmm, maybe mom will feed me those Sun Chips I see her eating.

Now that I am using my hands more efficiently I have some new friends.  I haven't ditched my old ones, but I wouldn't say we are "best" friends anymore.  I mean now I have Chan, Terrance the Trance toy, my rings, Crazy Eyes, my orange rattle, green star, and my hands, in addition to Mr. Peacock, Red, and Geo.  Please, don't tell them I no longer consider them my best friends they already feel a little neglected.

Chan

Terrance the Trance toy

orange rattle

green star

my rings

Crazy Eyes

Besides, I still enjoy hanging out with mom and dad the most.  Especially, when they sing to me or blow on my belly or try to tickle me or hold me high up in the air or kiss me and kiss me again.  All of these things make me smile.  I really love to smile!

Speaking of hands, I have began removing my pacifier from my mouth, but I can't seem to get it back in without assistance.  I think this drives mom crazy, especially at 4:30 a.m. when she lays me back in my crib after eating and I spend several minutes trying to figure out how to take it in and out of my mouth.  I still haven't mastered this skill, so I give up and begin sucking on my hand.  For some reason I can't seem to fall asleep while sucking on my hand, so I scream a few times and usually mom or dad's hand comes over the crib rail, removes my hand from my mouth, inserts my MAM pacifier, and holds it there until I quit trying to remove it with my hand.  Sometimes I cooperate and sometimes I don't.  I can't help the fact that sometimes I like to have play time in the middle of the night.  It is rare, but occasionally I just want to play, but mom and dad never join in.  I wonder why?

I have been sleeping better, at night that is.  I eat around 7 p.m.  Go to sleep between 7:30 and 8 p.m., but I still wake up 1-3 times crying for my pacifier before waking up to eat at 4 a.m.  Then I go back to sleep, but am ready to eat again at 7:15 a.m.  Mom has been nursing me during these times, which I really enjoy, but I don't have the patience for it the rest of the day.  Therefore, mom or dad give me the bottle for my day time feedings.  I am still struggling with nap time.  I go to sleep, but will only sleep about 45 minutes.  Sometimes I feel good when I wake up and sometimes I don't.  When I don't mom or dad usually try to help me go back to sleep.  I have figured out if I keep crying mom will come in, pick me up, and lay with me so I will sleep longer.  I really love when she does this.  I am pretty sure she likes it too, but I often over hear her saying things like she is "spoiling me" or "this may not be the best idea" or "who cares he is only small once and the day will come when he won't want to lay with me."  I definitely sleep better when she lays with me.

I have discovered these things that kind of look like my hands, but I am not real sure what to do with them.  I think mom calls them feet.  Some times I try to reach down and grab them, but my belly gets in the way or maybe I am not flexible enough or maybe it's not time for me to grab them.  I'm not sure.

Mom continues to say I am doing well reaching all of the milestones for my age, but we need to keep working on rolling.  I have been reading up on them and I agree I need to work harder on rolling over.

However, I am enjoying tummy time more, which is an improvement.

What I am not enjoying more is my car seat and my stroller.  Well, I should say I don't enjoy my car seat unless someone sits in the back with me and entertains me the whole time.  Otherwise, I still cry.  It's more like a scream, but it doesn't matter how loud I scream they just keep putting me in that thing.  The stroller is a little more tolerable, but when the sun shines in my eyes I get upset.  Did you know the sun shines a lot here?  From what I hear it is one of the advantages of Florida.

I have been told I still have some sweet hair; however, mom laughs at it a lot so I wonder how sweet it really is.  She says things like, "He has a mullet. He has a comb over.  He looks like a cute, little, old man."  She laughs, but she also kisses me approximately 1 million times per day, so I must still be cute!!  One thing is for sure: I AM LOVED!!!!!!

That's about it for now.  It's time to go drink some milk

Come on guys, I'm not that far advanced, but it is time to say good bye.

Signing off........

Sincerely, 

7 Link Challenge

I found the 7 Link challenge while reading a few of my favorite blogs (A Blue Eyed Girl Met A Brown Eyed Boy and Missional Mama) and thought it would be fun to reflect on

I have only been blogging since September 2008, but I have 122 blog posts so I thought I could come up with something to complete the 7 Link Challenge posted on Problogger

• My first post:  I must say I laughed just as hard when I re-read this post.  It is not my work (but it was my first post).........and boy am I glad it's not.
• The post I enjoyed writing the most.  Wow, it is hard to choose just one.  However, it would probably be "A few words from Bennett."  I was desperate for a good laugh and desperate to escape the frustrations of motherhood.  This post did the trick.
• A post that had great discussion.  I don't know that it had great discussion, but it did leave me with a lot of encouraging words regarding motherhood.  Words of Encouragement also recieved a lot of fb comments that were/are helpful.
• A post on someone else's blog I wish I'd written.  I am going to reference a blog here, because I basically wish I had written all of her posts........http://inspiredtoaction.com/
• My most helpful post was probably An honest confession from a new mom.  Weeks 6 through 14 with Bennett were extremely difficult.  I found out many mothers could relate and future mothers appreciated the advice.  
• A post with a title you are proud of...........Hmmmmm.  I can't say I have a post title I am proud of since I am not all that clever.  However, if I have to choose one it would be A party, a tornado, a sparring event, or all of the above.
• Last, but not least a post I wish more people had read.  I must admit I have a lot of those, but the posts I wrote when I first started on my blog journey were rarely read.  Therefore, I would choose Amateur.

I don't expect all of you to read or re-read all of my posts, but it was fun to look back on all of the posts I have written.  How about you?  Which posts would you choose for your 7 link challenge?

Multitude Monday IX

I am thankful:

July 18, 2010

662.  for a trip to the beach with Bennett and Julie

663.  for Bennett's look of excitement when we dipped his toes in the ocean for the first time
664.  for nectarines
665.  for our beach umbrella that creates shade
666.  for a sweet baby boy sleeping on my chest
667.  for Julie watching Bennett while Sam and I took a meal to friends
668.  for time to prepare and take Natasha, Aaron, and Noah a meal
669.  for the silly things we say that make us laugh
670.  for the birds we saw at the beach.  One was perched on the edge of a bucket protecting the fish a man had caught.  I think he thought the fish belonged to him.

July 19, 2010

671.  that another friend joined the blog world (Bethany)
672.  for much needed energy to make it through another day of feeling tired
673.  for gentle reminders that I am neglecting my time with the LORD
674.  for Julie holding Bennett, helping put his paci in, and just loving him
675.  for playing Family Feud with Julie and Sam
676.  for dinner overlooking the bay

677.  for time reflecting on the first few blogs I ever wrote
678.  for God's grace and love that covers a multitude of sin
679.  for time sitting and talking with Julie while Bennett was sleeping
680.  for Sprite Zero

July 20, 2010

681.  that Kim and Donald bought Julie her plane ticket and allowed her to come visit
682.  that Julie missed "her Ambo" so much that she wanted to come visit
683.  for tears cried when saying goodbye
684.  for all of the years I babysat Julie and Trevor
685.  for all of the memories I have with the Compton family
686.  for the desire deep within to know God even when I've neglected Him
687.  that Julie made it back to Prestonsburg safely
688.  for Bennett's smile frequency .  He smiles more and more every day
689.  for sitting around and hanging out with Sam
690.  for our laid back life style

July 27, 2010

691.  for bananas
692.  that Bennett had an excellent 4 month check up

693.  that Bennett has done well after his vaccines
694.  for a few minutes of peace before Bennett lost it while in the stroller
695.  for time to write and share life experiences
696.  for left overs
697.  for the book "Classic Christianity"

698.  for Dr. Woodwhite.  She is so good and sweet with my baby boy
699.  that our pediatrician's office is less than 5 minutes from our house
700.  for another day of life

July 23, 2010

701.  for the sound of the dryer running while the rest of the house is silent
702.  for Psalm 62:1 "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him."
703.  for safety while driving in the rain
704.  as always for friends gathering at our home for table fellowship (Neiderer's and Shah's)
705.  for how hard my friend Angela makes me laugh

706.  for the way God uses circumstances to grow and change us
707.  that it s almost time for baby Shah to make his grand entrance into the world
708.  for getting my hair cut
709.  for the new levels of love I feel now that Bennett is a part of our lives
710.  for grocery stores

July 24, 2010

711.  that we got a few good pictures of Bennett today (for his 4 month birthday next week)
712.  for the mullet Bennett has........it only looks cute on babies

713.  that Chrissy started her blog
714.  for fun times at the fountains with Bennett and Sam

715.  for throwing frisbee with Sam at the park
716,  for clean, safe, public parks
717.  to watch children of all ages playing with each other and their parents
718.  that Bennett enjoyed tummy time today
719.  that Sam is resting and sleeping better
720.  to have spent time outside today with a happy baby

July 23, 2010

721.  for returning to Sunday school
722.  that Bennett did so well in the nursery
723.  that Matthew and Jacqueline came to visit our church today

724.  for lunch at Cheddar's with family
725.  that I sat down with Sam to watch a movie I didn't think I would enjoy, "Into the Wild."  I really enjoyed it!!!!!

726.  for feeling Bennett' belly rise and fall in sync with mine as he lay on my chest sleeping
727.  to watch Bennett open his mouth in anticipation of the spoon.  He is so stinkin' cute!!!
728.  for a weekend full of getting out of the house.  Bennett did so well!!!
729.  that Sam is reading "Bringing Up Boys" too
730.  for writing utensils

Journey of Faith Friday: Doubt

Doubt

Here are some interesting quotes I found in regards to doubt:

"There are two ways to slide easily through; to believe everything or to doubt everything.  Both ways save us from thinking." -Alfred Korzybski

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." -Bertrand Russell

"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things." -Rene Descartes

"I show you doubt, to prove that faith exists" -Robert Browning

"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd." -Voltaire

"I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education." -Wilson Mizner

"Faith which does not doubt is dead faith." -Miguel de Unamuno

"Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith." -Paul Tillich

"Now 'crises of faith' takes many shapes and forms.  I suppose the salient is whether the crisis occurs within or against faith." -Michael Phillips

-I do not agree or disagree with all of the quotes listed above.  I did find each of them interesting when reflecting on my own season of doubt.  They are from a variety of persons.  If you desire you can click each name and find a link containing more information about each person quoted.

This is a difficult topic for me, as I sometimes wonder if I have ever fully left my season of doubt.  Doubt comes in so many forms that it is often hard to explain, hard to wrap your mind around, hard to identify...It was the end of March 2006 and I was sitting at a table with the small India mission team discussing our recent trip.  As we went around the table each member shared the amazing, life changing work God had done in their life while serving Him in southern India.  As the time for me to share came closer and closer I felt as if the room grew darker and darker and my heart grew harder and harder.  I wanted to run out of the room, because I didn't want to lie, but I knew no one would understand the truth or maybe the truth would lead one of them down a path of questioning that I wanted no part of.  The truth was, since returning from India I had no desire to read the Word.  Matter of fact, I didn't want to talk about God, to God, or be around people who wanted to do so.  I began asking, "Is God all powerful?  If so, then why this and why that? Is Jesus Christ the only way to Heaven?  If so, why this and why that?  Is God the loving, merciful God I always thought and proclaimed Him to be?  If so, why this and why that?"  My list could go on, but you get the point.  I began to speak (I don't remember my exact words), "Since returning I have been a mess.  When I returned from Haiti I was a changed woman.  I was more in love with God.  I longed to serve Him and his creation in a new way.  Now I can't even bring myself to open the Bible."  I laid my head on the table and began to sob.  It felt as if everyone could do nothing but stare at me in disbelief.  I continued, "I just feel so angry about the things we saw and the people we treated.  My experience has been much different than all of you and I don't have much else to say."  Fortunately, our team leader was a counselor who had struggled with his own seasons of doubt and was able to speak encouraging words to me (I don't remember his words verbatim, so I won't attempt to include them in this blog post).  

Weeks passed and it was as if I was a black sheep.  People tried to speak encouraging words to me, but so many of them just cut me to the core.  I was lonely.  I was frustrated.  And I understood that no one knew what to say, because they couldn't fathom the pain I was experiencing on the inside.  I felt I had lost my best friend, my closest confidant, but I was choosing to lose Him (or was I?).  I would bow to pray, but I couldn't.  I would sit through church and walk away having heard very little.  One Wednesday evening, while co-leading my high school small group, I broke down.  I loved these young women and didn't want to taint their view of the LORD Jesus, but they deserved some explanation for my recent silence.  I told them, in as few words as possible, that I was struggling, but believed the season wouldn't last forever.  I asked them to forgive my silence during our time of discussion and asked for their prayers regarding my struggle.  Looking back, I believe the young women present that evening learned a lot about the importance of honesty and for that I am thankful.  

Since I had no desire to be in the Word I began reading two books, "The Case for Faith" and "Classic Christianity" both of which I now believe the LORD placed before me.  The introduction in "The Case for Faith" contains a story about Billy Graham's "close companion and preaching colleague" Charles Templeton during his years prior to his first crusade in Los Angeles.  Templeton became a skeptic eventually walking away from his Christian faith after viewing a disturbing photograph in Life magazine.  The story goes on to describe Graham feeling pulled in two directions, one towards the Scriptures being trustworthy and the other towards doubt primarily attributed to the words of Templeton.  It reads, "Graham searched the Scriptures for answers, he prayed, he pondered.  Finally, in a heavy-hearted walk in the moonlit San Bernardino Mountains, everything came to a climax.  Gripping a Bible, Graham dropped to his knees and confessed he couldn't answer some of the philosophical and psychological questions that Templeton and others were raising.  


'I was trying to be on the level with God, but something remained unspoken,' he wrote.  'At last the Holy Spirt freed me to say it, 'Father, I am going to accept this as Thy Word-by faith!  I'm going to allow faith to go beyond my intellectual questions and doubts, and I will believe this to be Your inspired Word.'....For Graham, it was a pivotal moment.  For Templeton, though, it was a bitterly disappointing turn of events, 'He committed intellectual suicide by closing his mind,' Templeton declared" (Strobel, L., The Case for Faith, 12).

While writing the book, the author, Lee Strobel set up an interview with Templeton.  The interview in it's entirety spoke to me, but Templeton said a few things that stirred a desire in me to take a serious look at the person of Jesus during my season of doubt.  Strobel asked Templeton, " 'And how do you assess this Jesus?'  It seemed like the next logical question-but I wasn't ready for the response it would evoke.  


Templeton's body language softened.  It was as if he suddenly felt relaxed and comfortable in talking about an old and dear friend.  His voice, which at times had displayed such a sharp and insistent edge, now took on a melancholy and reflective tone.  His guard seemingly down, he spoke in an unhurried pace, almost nostalgically, carefully choosing his words as he talked about Jesus.  


'He was,' Templeton began, 'the greatest human being who has ever lived.  He was a moral genius.  His ethical sense was unique.  He was the intrinsically wisest person that I've ever encountered in my life or in my readings.  His commitment was total and led to his own death, much to the detriment of the world.  What could one say about him except that this was a form of greatness?'


I was taken aback. 'You sound like you really care about him,' I said. 


'Well, yes, he is the most important thing in my life,' came his reply.  'I...I...I...,' he stuttered, searching for the right word, 'I know it may sound strange, but I have to say...I adore him!'....


'....Everything good I know, everything decent I know, everything pure I know, I learned from Jesus.  Yes...yes.  And tough!  Just look at Jesus.  He castigated people.  He was angry.  People don't think of him that way, but they don't read the Bible.  He had a righteous anger.  He cared for the oppressed and exploited.  There's no question that he had the highest moral standard, the least duplicity, the greatest compassion, of any human being in history.  There have been many other wonderful people, but Jesus is Jesus....'


'Uh...but..no,' he said slowly, 'he's the most...' He stopped, then started again.  'In my view,' he declared, 'he is the most important human being who has ever existed.'


That's when Templeton uttered the words I never expected to hear from him.  'And if I may put it this way,' he said as his voice began to crack, 'I...miss...him!'  


With that tears flooded his eyes.  He turned his head and looked downward, raising his left hand to shield his face from me.  His shoulders bobbed as he wept....


Templeton fought to compose himself.  I could tell it wasn't like him to lose control in front of a stranger.  He sighed deeply and wiped away a tear.  After a few more awkward moments, he waved his hand dismissively.  Finally, quietly but adamantly, he insisted: 'Enough of that.' (Strobel, L., The Case for Faith, 20-23).

That story resonated deep within my soul.  I pondered it for days.  It helped set my feet back on the path of desiring the God I once held so dear.  

Here are a few words from my journal.

April 3, 2006

"Yesterday at church was the first day I felt like I could reflect on my journey to India.  It was a short trip, but seemed much longer.  Jon's sermon stirred emotion in me and thankfulness to serve a God who rescues.  I was able to realize my experience there was like longing for HOME!!  While there I neglected to spend time with the LORD, but I did His work daily.  By the end, I longed for home.  For America, for Kentucky, for Lexington, for my cat, my bed, my cold drinks, my favorite foods, my church, my work, my immediate family.  Once I got here I was able to rest, but that stirring in my heart didn't go away.  Yesterday, I realized my longing is for HOME, my Heavenly home....People all around the world are longing for that place.  Some, like myself, long for it knowing it's promises.  Some, long for it, but have no idea what it is or how to get there.  Oh Jesus, to be HOME!!

India, was a lot like Bible times.  Fishermen casting nets and using boats carved out of a tree trunk.  The city being built around the temple and the temple being infested with marketplace buyers and sellers....People remove their shoes on holy ground.  A barren women at age 35, seeking medical help and praying she would have children.  In this event, my faith proved small, because my mind thought she should give up.  At that moment I forgot about Sarai and Elizabeth.  People bowed down praying for hours....Millions of people walking bare footed carrying jugs of water of their heads, carrying food, laundry, twigs, whatever would balance.  Oxen plowing fields and people doing manual labor.  Little straw huts with roofs so closely knit together.  Ladies threshing wheat on the dusty streets.  People wanting to touch my hand, my clothes, or just receive a smile.  Only now do I realize Jesus did it all, happily-perfectly-honestly-without frustration.  Kids crowded everywhere to see us work.  Oh, how mad I get, at myself, for not reflecting upon those Jesus-like moments while there, while present in India.  

Instead, I sit in my warm, cozy, comfortable, clean, worldly home-reflecting-while dreading the coming work day.  Where is my heart, truly Oh God? ...."

May 29, 2006

"I find myself coming to You for one of the few times since I returned home from India.  As You know, I have struggled with my faith since being back in the states.  I have been angry, silent, overbearing, enlightened, and thankful since my journey.  I have come to a place where I have decided to choose faith over reason, because I believe You are who You say You are despite the evil in this world.  I have not read the Bible and still don't have an overwhelming desire to do so, but I am craving You!  I want to know You, Jesus.  I have been reading 'Classic Christianity' and 'The Case for Faith' which have been solid reading for my wondering mind.  I feel this time is allowing me to grow deeper in truth and to focus on what is important.  Love, love, love!  Acceptance!  Truth!!  I know longer want to be the Pharisee.  God, keep doing Your work in me...."

God has been faithful to keep doing His work in me.  I have continued to have short seasons of doubt since those lonely, frustrating days in 2006, but I know the LORD in a different way than I did four years ago and for that I am thankful.

When in doubt I am often reminded that the Thomas of the Bible may be known as a doubter, but he is the only one who has felt the nail scared hands.  

Have you had a season of doubt in your faith journey?  How did God reveal Himself or are you still there?  Would you share it with us today?
If you'd like to share... enter the direct URL to your exact post  in the link tool below (just under "you are next").  

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I look forward to reading how God has used your season of doubt to reveal Himself.

Thank you for sharing.

Next Friday:  Consider sharing a time/season you have spent influencing people and how God blessed your service (ex. as a prayer warrior, Bible study leader, volunteer, grief support, mission trip, missionary, evangelism, through encouraging words, etc).

Have a blessed day in the Lord Jesus!!

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A special visitor........

Last week Sam told me a surprise was in store for Friday.  I love surprises!!!  Unfortunately, I ask about 1 billion times before the surprise occurs what the surprise is going to be.  As usual Sam was steadfast in keeping the surprise a surprise.

Friday evening he sent me an email that read:


MISSION: SURPRISE.  This is an extremely dangerous (er, maybe not) mission.

There will be step by step instructions as you complete it.

Step 1: leave your house at precisely 7:30 pm and proceed directly to the feathersound chick fil a at 3423 Ulmerton Rd Clearwater, FL 33762.

You are to order two lemonades in the drive thru and await further instructions via text message.

On the way to Chick-fil-A I had two thoughts:

1.  Someone is flying into St. Pete airport for a weekend visit!

2.  Sam is sending me out with a girlfriend to watch the 3rd Twilight movie

Then I received this text message:

Meet your secret operative in the arriving flights area at St. Pete/Clearwater airport.  The operative knows what you are wearing and will find you.  There is free parking to the west of the terminal

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!  WHO IS COMING?  That is all I could think.  A few names crossed my mind, but I knew it couldn't be my sister because she would have flown into Tampa airport.  I knew it couldn't be anyone from Lexington, because AllegiantAir only flies into St. Pete on Friday and Tuesdays (I think).  The face I saw I did not expect, but I could not have been more excited!!!  I wish I had a picture of my face when I saw Julie walking down the hall.

Julie is like my younger sister and Trevor (her brother) is like my brother.  I began babysitting them when I was 15 years old and have been a part of their lives ever since.  It all began after my family moved into their neighborhood.  We were renting a house, that was supposed to be temporary, but we lived there for four years.  There were lots of things I disliked about the house we rented, but having the Compton's next door made it all worth it.  I can remember 2 year old Julie running across the street in a cheerleading outfit for trick or treat.  She used to sit and brush my hair for hours.  I used to play basketball for hours and hours with Trevor......I could beat him then.  Trevor often confided in me throughout his high school years.  Julie always wanted a car just like "her Ambo."  I convinced Julie to jump off the high dive for the first time.  Kim (their mom) was/is a shoulder to cry on.  I have spent many hours talking sports with Donald (their dad) and Trevor.  Vacations, holidays, home cooked meals, Rook, Sorry, hugs, laughs, sleep overs, wrestling, sporting events, and on and on.  

When we moved to Florida I think Julie took it the hardest.  I'll never forget the last time I was at their house before moving to Florida.  She and I stood and hugged in silence, for what seemed like an eternity, as the tears flowed.  To say the very least I could not have asked for a better surprise!!!  Yes, I could.  It could have only been better if Julie, Trevor, Kim, Donald, and Mamaw would have been walking down that hallway.  

Thanks so much for all of the memories!!!  I love all of you!!